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Wandering The Desert

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged, this isn’t a bad thing but it’s not necessarily a good thing either. I’ve found that spending time blogging helps me reflect on God and my spirituality. Being that I’m currently unemployed I have a lot more time on my hands than I did when I was working full time. But it has also been a very humbling time and quite difficult at times. I’ve always relied on God to guide me steps and to open and close the doors as needed, the only difference that in the past I didn’t have a family to support and all the bills that come along with growing up. I’ve been going over a number of different options; do I look for work in my current field, do start all over and go back to school and do something that I’m interested in and completely different, and then all of the options and things that need to be worked out with going back to school.

I’m really in a place where I really have to rely on God and trust and pray that the right doors will open and close. But that’s not always easy is it? It’s never easy when the doors open and open and then close. In fact I find it quite frustrating and sometimes it really gets me down. I believe that God allows things to happen for a reason and that eventually all things will be made clear but I tell you that losing your job twice in one year, going to a number of interviews and not having them work out can be a real shot to the ego and pride.

I wonder if God has me in this place right now so that I can spend some time getting to rely on Him again and to build up my spiritual man. I remember years ago wishing that I could take a sabbatical to focus on God and get deeper into Him. The only difference between now and then is that I was “plugged” into a church and was in a seemingly better place spiritually then than I am now.

I am trusting all things are going to work out, yes, I know what Romans 8:28 says. But right I know I’m honestly wish/wanting God to just say “Eric, this is what I want you to do. This is how I’m going to do it. And this is how it is all going to work out.” But then how would that build up my faith right?

Have you ever been a place where you aren’t sure what lies ahead for you and you just want it all to come together so you can get going? What have you done to get through that time of transition? How have you known that what you were doing was really what God wanted for you?

  1. Chad
    February 12, 2011 at 6:20 am

    Hi Eric, I found myself thinking the exact thoughts lately about wanting to know God’s full plan right now so I can put all of my efforts into it.
    I found my most depressing times in life were when I was without a job. I also found that I drew closer to God for answers as well.

    I was jobless when I was married two years ago then God gave me an opportunity to manage a company because the owner was moving away, and that was an honour to offered such a position but it didn’t work out and then a friend suggest for me to start my own company which smashed a lot of incompetent mindsets.
    So I put up an ad on Kijiji.ca and received 3 jobs the first day so I took that as favour from God and an open door.

    Then I found a way to buy a truck for the business and hoped God was the one leading me and would provide to pay for the monthly payments.
    A month later, I found that I had leukemia which wasn’t in my plans and during the 4 month treatment I wondered a time or two if I did right by buying the truck because the trucks payments were still coming even though I couldn’t work to pay them.

    But my wife and I agreed that we did hear from God and some friends and family offered to help with some bills until I can get back on my feet, which was more favour of God and it helped us through.

    So after the first year of business, I didn’t make very much, only basically made enough to get by, then again I questioned, is this what God wants me to do and how does it fit into my destiny as a worship leader and minister of the gospel?

    My wife and I talked it over and remembered all the favour we received as I believed I heard from God and went for it and accomplished what I heard,

    I learned many things about business like the actual costs, insurance, how forceful I have to be at marketing, and to get good working with people, having a disciplined schedule, accountability, basically all the ingredients to basically running a church or ministry which is what I believe God is preparing me for.

    My job is slow in the winter so I prepared and got my security guard licence and that’s what I have been doing since October and I wondered how that fit into God’s plan, but looking back I can see besides the bills being paid for I was able to do plenty of reading which prepared me for sharing at the church. And to look at it spiritually, I have a call for deliverance and that’s what I do, I remove junk from people homes and businesses.
    I also have a call to minister and so I will bring security to people lives.
    I also have Godly men speaking into my life who allows to talk over ideas I have and to give Godly input which has helped me tremendously.
    So I hope I assisted a bit and encourage you to continue to seek God’s face and to hear his voice, to find someone to be accountable to and who you can trust who can speak into your life and give ideas or advice and also keep knocking and when you feel God leading you to jump at it with everything you have.

    Just know my wife and I are praying for you and your family and that you are Blessed and highly favoured and that you have an exciting purposeful life ahead of you,

    Take Care

  2. Amanda
    February 12, 2011 at 7:04 pm

    Hi Eric
    So my experience of transition and trusting in God goes back to just after my father died. Jared and I had just been married and had decided to settle in Chicago. After coming back from caring for dad we looked at each other and really only felt then that it was our time to start a life together. Throughout that winter and Spring, after dad’s death; we struggled to pinpoint what we both wanted to do…what was our purpose and mostly…what was going to bring in the money we needed to sustain our lifestyles. At that time we had not really embarked on a relationship with God as a couple. There were times when in my heart I would long for a deeper, more connected relationship with God – for myself and for Jared as my husband. Through months of small steps (I began to design and sell headbands and Jared continued with eBay sales and options trading), we watched as any savings/inheritance slipped away only to be replenished by small financial wins. It put stress on our relationship but it did lead us to a daily prayer life – we were now praying together for the first time.
    That Spring, we decided to start a small catering company and cooked food for thousands of people at festivals around the city. Again, the results, while a great and vastly important learning experience; brought in adequate financial gains. Throughout this time we continued to stay the course – knowing that we were attempting to do something bigger – to possibly own a restaurant one day.
    That Fall, in the course of one week; we came close to taking a job in Colorado in a ski chalet as cook and host, had sublet our apartment in lei of the assurance that we had the job; lost the job and found out I was pregnant! It was the pregnancy that grounded me emotionally. As funny as that sounds, 2 months earlier I had had a conversation with God (one of those brief chats while in the washroom) where I felt Him expose my fear of starting a family (because of our financial and emotional instability). It was in a split second that I promised to trust God with my life (all of it). This was followed by me telling Jared that I felt it was time to go off the pill. To his delight; he started telling people we were going to have a baby!! And…sure enough it was incredible how quickly it all happened.
    So…that Fall day, after we had been disappointed by a closed door we clearly felt God had opened (to work at the chalet), we stood crying in our kitchen about the gift He had given us. So, I still had no idea about all the variables of our lives: where to live (remember, we had already promised our apartment to someone because we thought we were going to CO), no secure financial situation and…no health insurance!
    The next couple of weeks, as we prayed and took each day as it came; we moved in with Jared’s grandparents (thus, absolutely no stress for me during those first critical months of pregnancy), qualified for state aid (because our combined income had been so low during the summer months leading to my pregnancy) and mostly…came into a deeper trust in God and understanding of how to hear his voice.
    Throughout the pregnancy we continued to take it day by day and seek Him for direction as we sought to open a restaurant. Finally, after many “opened” and then “closed” doors, we stumbled upon a little place in an under-served neighborhood. One month before I gave birth; we started to build the restaurant. By August, with a 3 month old and not even two pennies to rub together, we found ourselves once again crying together as we stood in our “approved for business” restaurant!
    There were many times in those months between Brighton’s birth and the opening of the restaurant that we struggled to “keep the faith”. We cried, fought, laughed and saw God’s favor – a promise He had made us during one of those times when we cried out to Him for assurance and strength!
    Now, 6 months in (and 9 months with our beautiful baby girl); we go through ups and downs financially but, our reliance, trust and faith in God’s Word and love for us is stronger. Our understanding of Him and ourselves is greater – more real – not by what we think we know or are supposed to know – but by what He has grabbed onto us to show us! GRACE, GRACE and more GRACE. Surely goodness and mercy follow me all the days of my life.
    Hey…this is just us and to encourage you…I know you are destined for good things Eric. I just know it!

  3. February 17, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    A Sabbatical sounds awesome!

    I’ve had times of not having work and wondering if it would work out. Looking back, I can see them as times of rest, sort of like a Sabbatical. The only problem is, I didn’t see them as Sabbaticals at the time. Instead, I worried about what I was going to do next and if all my needs would be taken care of. Sure enough, I never went without during these times of “rest” and I always had something to do once the “rest” was over. I just wish now that I wouldn’t have worried so much during the “rest” so that I would have been more rested at end of it. Funny how that works.

    If your needs are taken care of, then enjoy the time of rest, bro. You know things will change and you’ll have a work to do when God puts it in front of you to do.

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