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Archive for September, 2013

Come Along With Me

September 16, 2013 Leave a comment
We are all on a journey, sometimes our experience and what see differs.

We are all on a journey, sometimes our experience and what see differs.

It’s interesting the reactions you can get from people when you speak your mind.

My post “The Journey Continues” was my first post in quite some time and I think it took some of guard, I’m afraid I may have even offended some. Which for those who know me personally, they would know I’m not one to be afraid of shocking or offending people. But for those reading this, that read my last post, please know that I’m not trying to shock people or make people angry. It’s really not the purpose of this. This is my way of venting, and “airing the laundry” so to speak. It’s a way of getting stuff of my chest. Although I wear my feelings and emotions on my sleeve and am pretty much an open book, there are some things that I just can articulate in person or out loud.

One of my readers asked me if he could post/share my post on a blog site called Internet Monk; something that I had to give some serious thought to. Until now, I’ve kept this blog somewhat private and only open to a select group of Facebook friends who I thought could share their thoughts and with whom I felt comfortable sharing my thoughts. I agreed to it and my post went up Friday morning. It’s been interesting see the comments from random strangers as they read my blog and encouraged, shared advice, thanked me for my “courage” and even prayed for me. I plan on going back through everything that was said and taking time to really “meditate” on some of the things that were said.

I know that there is no one on this earth that has the answers to all my questions and that I have to work this out. But if you’re reading this blog and/or I’ve shared this with you, you’re a part of my journey. Your experiences on your journey may be vastly different than mine, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t help one another along the way. You have no idea how much I appreciate your words of encouragement and even your “tough” words. I give it thought and I really do try to take it heart.

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Frustration

September 5, 2013 1 comment

Frus-tra-tion: noun

  • The act of frustrating or an instance of being frustrated
  • The state of being frustrated

Frus-trate: verb

  • to make (plans, efforts, etc.) worthless or of no avail; defeat; nullify
  • to disappoint or thwart

My post The Journey Continues was my first post in sometime and I think for some it came across as a bit of shock for some. And, I think it may have been misunderstood and I probably should have posted my post Burning With Desire as a buffer post.

If I had to describe what I’m living and feeling lately it’s frustration.

I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated that things aren’t going as I would like them. I’m frustrated that I can’t see what the future holds for me.

I’m frustrated that I can’t get answers to my questions, the questions that really only God can answer. I’m frustrated that I’m living this life and that I’m not living it the fullest of my potential. I’m frustrated that I don’t know how to make things happen.

I’m frustrated because my Christian upbringing tells me that I need to draw nearer to God and that’s just not possible. I’m frustrated because as honest as I am, I’m not honest at all. I’m frustrated because I want to accept God at face value, but I can’t.

I’m frustrated because I have a dream that I don’t know how to fulfill. I’m frustrated because I want live life freely, but I care too much about what others will think.

I’m not going for a pity party here. I’m just venting. That’s what writing is for me. It’s a way for me to vent and get it all out there on the table without interruption. Without someone cutting me off and trying to solve or fix me.

Writing it therapeutic for me to a degree. Although, I have to say that I’m not any less frustrated right now, but at least it’s out there.

Burning With Desire

September 5, 2013 Leave a comment

Oak LeafThe post below is something that I began working on back in March of this year and forgot about it. But it really speaks to where I’m at lately and in retrospect have been for a while I suppose. I know that many will read this and say that it’s “God’s calling” on my life and that it is him that is stirring this up in me and that its God calling me back to him. I’m not going to get into what I believe and feel regarding that.

Lately I’ve been working on the day-to-day stuff that keeps me busy, mainly this thing we call life. And, as continue to do this I realize that I’m not feeling as fulfilled as I should. I’m not doing what I am passionate about nor am I working or doing things that are my mission statement in life. I want to effect change in this world in the lives of people. My heart, my dream, my place in this world just feels out-of-place. Do you ever feel like that? Like it’s all so meaningless.

I need to do some serious soul-searching and figure out where I’m going and what I’m doing. I’m 35 and realize that life is going faster and faster and that unless something changes soon, my life will pass me by and I wont reach my goals and dreams. Time to suck it up and figure this out. Figure out what is right for me, and my family. Not what’s right for everyone else.

The Journey Continues

September 3, 2013 6 comments

Spring_2012_064Where to start?

Well let’s see. It’s been quite some time since I’ve sat down to really blog. And, I guess there are a few reasons for that.

Firstly, I’ve been busy. It was a lot easier to sit down and write when I was laid off work and had a lot of free time on my hands.

Secondly, I’ve struggled with where to go with this. At the beginning I had a lot of readers encouraging me in my journey in faith – towards God. And well truth be told, I’ve probably moved further away from God than towards him. As a result of that, I’ve kind of felt like maybe I’ve failed those that have been reading along. But, this is my journey and my walk, you may not agree with it, you may not understand it, but it’s my walk and my journey.

Truth be told, in the last year-and-a-bit I’ve come to question Christianity as a whole and as a result question the deity that is “God”. I’m not atheist and would probably consider myself more along the lines of an agnostic. But even that doesn’t seem to cover it. I believe that there is some sort of higher power, a god, who and what that is I don’t know. Truthfully, no one does. Every faith and belief on this planet has a god or higher power, some have many. How do you know which one is right? You don’t. You live your life according to the tenets of that faith and die in the belief that on the other side you will receive the appropriate reward for your faith.

What if they are all right? Or, what if you’re wrong? Then what?

You see the truth is, I think faith and religion (this is to describe faiths as a whole and not the “relationship” that people have with their god) works for some. It’s a set of rules and guidelines in which to live our lives. If you follow this set of rules and accept these things than you’re living a good and right life and will reap your reward in the afterlife. It’s a tool that people use to get through trials and turmoil. Some people use it as a means to become “whole”.

Well, I am seriously questioning it all. You see, I’ve experienced “supernatural” things that I can’t explain, so in my upbringing as a Christian these would be considered divine, maybe even miracles. But, when I’ve prayed and petitioned God for His intervention, healing and deliverance in other areas I got nothing. And, I’ve heard all kinds of answers as to why God “can’t” do it or that it’s a process and it takes time. “Well, God can’t change you or fix that all at once, you wouldn’t be able to cope.” Really? I call bullshit! If God created the universe in 7 days, then I’m sure he can fix our little problems. And, if we are talking about the God of the Bible then how you do explain the lepers that his son healed, or the paraplegic man, or the blind people, and let’s not forget about the dead that were raised. I’m sure that must have screwed up their lives, or afterlife, a bit. So, why is it “ok” to fix their lives but that doesn’t work in today’s day?

Another one that I don’t get it, how we determine what is sin and what isn’t sin. There are sins that are spoken of in the Bible that are commonly practiced among Christians today and yet other sins are still huge taboos and faux pas. And, depending on your religion within the Christian faith the sins are different. So, where do you draw the line? Is everything in the Old Testament no longer valid and the New Testament is the new rule book? Or is it a combination of both? Seriously I don’t even know where to start.

I know that “religion” is a creation of man. Well isn’t the Bible a book written by men? So, how do we know that they got it right? One guy has a “vision” and all of sudden BAM pork and shrimp is ok to eat. Hold on, wasn’t that a sin in the Old Testament? So, what’s right? Do these rules change? And who decides that they change? How come that guy was right and ok to change the “law”? Can sins change today?

So, if you’ve made it this far you’ll see that my journey has taken a different path then where it seemed to be heading. In summation, I think I believe that there is more than likely a higher power, a god. I’m just not sure that I buy into Christianity and the Bible anymore. I guess my faith just isn’t there.